LilHop - This Ain't Livin' Lyrics

When my friends ask how I pay my bills I sit there and lie
Cause I'm embarrassed that I'm living off SSI
But truth be told without it is be f*cked
Cause I can't work full time or 2 jobs it's just too much
I suck at and hate all jobs and from day 1 I knew this
But I got a special ed version of a job and it makes me feel stupid
But maybe I'm not dumb maybe I was just never meant to be workin
Maybe I'm an outsider that's only goal is rappin' and cursin
I'm thankful I have roof over my head yet I'm not satisfied
Not a hundred percent at least because I strive
For more and I think that is a good practice
And how dare some people say I'm being over dramatic
It's cool if you're cool with settling down
With no one offering you thumbs up or a crown
But I felt like I was put on this world to rap
And that goin to college for people like me is one big trap

I have a dream but no one listens
I don't mean to sound like I'm bitchin
But don't you dare say I am nitpickin
I wanna rap nothing else I made my decision
This ain't livin
This ain't livin

I just have a part time job and the shit still drains me
I was a piece of shit as a teen but when I rapped it changed me
I had a cloud over my head and it was quite rainy
With hella thunderstorms cause I felt that no one would embrace me
So it means the world to me when my raps make people giggle
I wanted my rap skills to be excellent not just in the middle
You have no idea what it means to me when people say I can flow
Now imagine hearin' it from a random person at the corner sto
I always give in, get stressed and smoke a lotta weed
Knowin' damn well I can't afford it but it makes me at ease
All the money I wasted on weed I could've been in the studio by now
So I gotta take a break from it but idk how
Who do I have to meet who do I have to defeat
In order to make my dreams come true all these other rappers have a seat
Cause you're not as passionate or hard working as me
I done wrote so many raps it improved the way I read

I have a dream but no one listens
I don't mean to sound like I'm bitchin
But don't you dare say I am nitpickin
I wanna rap nothing else I made my decision
This ain't livin
This ain't livin

Non believers will think that this song is just petty
Everything happens for a reason and I think God ain't let me
Become big when I was nineteen because I wasn't ready
I didn't spit as good as I did now but I'm buyin' confetti
Just waiting to celebrate but it's hard to stay patient
And no one helped me with my carrier so there will be few invitations
I have a feeling that I will no longer have to be waitin
I wanna be the most respected artists of this generation
Yea I know when I rap it's usually vulgar and silly
But it's craft that took a while to master you feel me
I owe everything to rap cause I swear man it healed me
If i don't make it in the rap game then just kill me
I stay to myself cause I'm not in the mood for conversations
Not in the mood for relations, I just stay concentratin
On makin hits my mind wonders day dreaming about havin' some more
Fans and not end up being a plumber
Or being a janitor or having to work under
Someone else