I'm Allowed To Be Video (MV)

Time's a bit unfair what with the way it took my little one
Living life without him gotta say that it's been no fun
I'm just doing all I can here not to let my thoughts run
Have to do my very best now not to just come undone

I just wasn't ready at this time to have to say goodbye
It's been so damn heavy here without him no I cannot lie
With the help of video games and weed I kinda get by
But I was NOT prepared for my sweet boy to lose his life

His loss hurts like losing family probably even more so
Of all the creatures in this world I think I loved him most you know?
If your response is 'he's a cat' then I think that it's time you go
That's the cat that helped me shine my light out with the brightest glow

He comes first in everything because he means the world to me
Now he's gone and in this moment I feel I can barely breath
And I just can't stop myself when I feel my eyes they start to leak
Without him in my life the future? It just seems so bleak

Now
I'm trying to be strong
My little Ember's gone
And it all feels so wrong
What can I say
I miss him every day
And to my gods I pray
His spirit gets to play

No
I need now to be strong
But little Ember's gone
And it still feels all wrong
I just can't win
Or stop the pain within
Heal from my life of sin
Without the yang to my yin

Now I know in my heart my little man'd not want me to cry
But damn it's so hard not to cause I feel I somehow let him die
My mind rejects forgiveness cause it feels there'd been more I could try
When you say I did all I could it feels like that's a f*cking lie

If he comes first in everything then why was it I couldn't see?
His symptoms were a message so how was it that I couldn't read?
The way his breath soured was my early warning but I let it be
Assumed that it was just the tarter cause I didn't brush his teeth

"You did the best you could with what you knew of at the time"
Gods I'm gonna lose it if you keep saying that f*cking line
I know I'm not omniscient but WHY THE FUCK WAS I SO BLIND?!
HOW COULD I NOT GIVE MY LITTLE MAN AN ENDING THAT WAS KIND?!

Now
I'm trying to be strong
My little Ember's gone
And it all feels so wrong
What can I say
I miss him every day
And to my gods I pray
His spirit gets to play

No
I need now to be strong
But little Ember's gone
And it still feels all wrong
I just can't win
Or stop the pain within
Heal from my life of sin
Without the yang to my yin

Now
I'm trying to be strong
My little Ember's gone
And it all feels so wrong
What can I say
I miss him every day
And to my gods I pray
His spirit gets to play

No
I need now to be strong
But little Ember's gone
And it still feels all wrong
I just can't win
Or stop the pain within
Heal from my life of sin
Without the yang to my yin

"You gave him five whole years of love that he might not have ever had
There's no good reason to make yourself cry or to feel so bad"
But I lost my beloved son and I'm allowed to be this f*cking sad
When I think of all the signs I missed it gets me raging mad

"But you've still got your little girl so don't you dare go losing hope
She's there when you start crying and she always tries to help you cope
You can't lose the big picture by fixating on the microscope
So give your love to her she'll help you push the envelope"

Now
I'm trying to be strong
My little Ember's gone
And it all feels so wrong
What can I say
I miss him every day
And to my gods I pray
His spirit gets to play

No
I need now to be strong
But little Ember's gone
And it still feels all wrong
I just can't win
Or stop the pain within
Heal from my life of sin
Without the yang to my yin