I woke up, threw some sweat pants on
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Then I fed my cat and I walked to the mini mart
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And I really want a donut, shouldn't get a donut
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Bought a donut, f*ck it man it's really hard
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Supposed to be on a diet, I wanna be like Ryan
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He lost thirty pounds on that paleo
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But f*ck it man I love fried shit
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I was gonna get skinny for the summer
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I was gonna start doing my crunches
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But looking down at my stomach
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I'mma go to the beach, but I'm not taking my shirt off in public
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My girl shaped like a bottle of Coke
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Me? I'm shaped like a bottle of nope
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I'd like to order a hot dog, some bon bons
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A large soda, and some tacos to go
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I never knew what a carbohydrate was
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Turns out that it's all the snacks I love
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I wanna be like Hugh Jackman, you know jacked man
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With a really huge package
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I wanna be the 2015 Batman
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And send Ben Affleck packing
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If you ain't gonna treat Jennifer Garner right
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You don't deserve to have that
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You better pass that to the homie Matt Damon
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He eat the booty like Pac Man
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You know I feel good about this place
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You know I feel good about this steak
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You know I feel good about this shake
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You know I feel good about these plates
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You know I feel good about this crepes
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You know I feel good about this cake
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You know I just love how it tastes
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I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no
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Happy New Years
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Everybody got a resolution
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But the next day, we forget about it never do 'em
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I went to the gym and got a membership
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Five minutes on the treadmill and I never lift
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That was four years ago I should probably cancel this
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But they tell me I gotta do it in person, ain't that a bitch?
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But tomorrow though, I'mma get fit
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Get me a fuel band and a fit-bit
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Get me some workout shoes, and a bench press
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Some lulu lemons and a french press
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I'mma finally focus do some private yoga
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Exercise my shoulders, I'mma hide the donuts
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Realign my posture, no time for sofas
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I'm finally sober no lime Coronas
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But again, that's tomorrow
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And today man I gotta go big cause it's my last day
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Before I lose that weight, I gotta get one last plate and go big
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I ate all night, Kool-Aid on ice
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I woke up and I felt like shit
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And I said, "you know what, man f*ck it
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I should probably start on Monday instead"
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Motherf*cker let's eat
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You know I feel good about this place
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You know I feel good about this steak
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You know I feel good about this shake
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You know I feel good about these plates
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You know I feel good about this crepes
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You know I feel good about this cake
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You know I just love how it tastes
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I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no
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