Noah Kahan - I Was / I Am Album Lyrics

I think I forgot the things I've done
It's just good to be alive
And I can stay grateful for the sun
Though it's getting in my eyes
And how was Salt Lake City dear?
Do you feel me? Mm

'Cause now you let your heart get filled
With someone else's love
And now, you've let your head get held
In someone else's arms
And if I died tomorrow, babe
Would you feel me?
Feel me

'Cause you were only a little bit of light
And you were only a minute of my time
I don't miss you
I miss the way you made me feel

Like I lost part of me out there
My mind, my mind
When the space between our bodies disappeared
My mind, my mind
Even through the pain
I can't recall your face
Just the ache of knowing everything was gonna change
Got so close to love with you, my dear
But I don't miss you
I miss the way you made me feel

And there was something in the air
As we drove your parents car
Fire we both knew was there
But couldn't bring ourselves to start
I screamed the words inside your head
And hoped you'd feel me
Feel me

'Cause you were only a little bit of light
You were only a minute of my time
I don't miss you
I miss the way you made me feel

Like I lost part of me out there
My mind, my mind
When the space between our bodies disappeared
My mind, my mind
Even through the pain
I can't recall your face
Just the ache of knowing everything was gonna change
Got so close to love with you, my dear
But I don't miss you
I miss the way you made me feel

I know
That the moment I chase is a race that I've already lost
It's long ago
And you were only a break from the fear of being alone
But I'm sure
Feeling the ache is better than nothing at all

Feels like I lost part of me out there
My mind, my mind
When the space between our bodies disappeared
My mind, my mind
Even through the pain
I can't recall your face
Just the ache of knowing everything was gonna change
Got so close to love with you, my dear
But I don't miss you
I miss the way you made me feel

It's an empty shell I live in
The doors are always closed
And I spend my weeks
Losing my head, resting my bones
And they say that nothing's given
So I guess I'll get nothing at all
And I'll accept defeat
'Cause you can't swing
When the fight's lost
You know

Can't see the grass getting greener 'cause
Out here ain't nothing but blue
And your eyes blood red, the high helps a little
But everyone you meet's just passing through
White lies take all of the color from you
Most nights you don't sleep at all
In your blackout blinds you hide
Is there any wonder no one ever really tries to call?
And you say

Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
Ooh, I climb so high just to feel the fall and let it go
So look me in the eyes, am I someone else?
Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
An animal, an animal

And I always have a vision
But I always watch it go
And then I feel too weak
And it's too much, and it's too close, mm-mm

Can't see the grass getting greener 'cause
Out here ain't nothing but blue
And your eyes blood red, the high helps a little
But everyone you meet's just passing through
White lies take all of the color from you
Most nights you don't sleep at all
In your blackout blinds you hide
Is there any wonder no one ever really tries to call?
And you say

Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
Ooh, I climb so high just to feel the fall and let it go
So look me in the eyes, am I someone else?
Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
An animal, an animal

Can't see the grass getting greener 'cause
Out here ain't nothing but blue
And your eyes blood red, the high helps a little
But everyone you meet's just passing through
And you say

Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
Ooh, I climb so high just to feel the fall and let it go
So look me in the eyes, am I someone else?
Ooh, sometimes I feel like an animal
An animal, an animal

Ooh
Ooh

We've been running in place
whole year's been one of those days
I know we're close to an edge
Oh, I don't wanna be blamed
I know you hate to cause to pain
I hope the silence will end

Oh, and we hold onto this for whatever reason
Oh, and we're too far to fix it up

I want to break this to you honestly
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I know you're ready to move on from me
But you stay and you stay and you stay
And we wait and we wait 'til one of us caves

Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh

Long game but none of us win
Afraid of shedding our skin
We keep on playing pretend
This fear's a rope on our wrists
These years of life that we've missed
Building a case in our heads

Oh, and we hold onto this for whatever reason
Oh, and we're too far to fix it up

I want to break this to you honestly
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I know you're ready to move on from me
But you stay and you stay and you stay
And we wait and we wait 'til one of us caves

Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh

Oh, and we hold onto this for whatever reason
No, and we're too far to fix it up

I want to break this to you honestly
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I know you're ready to move on from me
But you stay and you stay and you stay
And we wait and we wait 'til one of us caves

Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh, 'til one of us caves
Oh, 'til one of us caves

What if I told you that I got sober?
That I got older?
That I got that tattoo off my shoulder
That I'm strong again, I'm fun again, would you love me then?

What if you saw me, what if you hate me?
What if I'm failing? Or mentally ill? Would you call me crazy?
Would you let me in, would you let me in, would you love me then?

I told you that my whole life, could have sworn I would die young
My last words, twenty-two years on my tongue
I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

You know that I spend long nights brain fried, talking too much
I'm a booze-bag, do-bad, burnout, dead drunk
Yeah, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

Whoa
Whoa
Whoa, whoa

It's not your fault that my brain is vacant
That the world is trash and my dumb ass just got completely wasted
You washed your hands of all my sins, have I lost you then?

Sometimes I hate it, my lack of patience
How sometimes love feels like a noun in some new foreign language
And now my heart is bent and worn so thin, can you sew the skin?

I told you that my whole life, could have sworn I would die young
My last words, twenty-two years on my tongue
I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

You know that I spend long nights brain fried, talking too much
I'm a booze-bag, do-bad, burnout, dead drunk
Yeah, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

Whoa
Whoa
Whoa, whoa

So if you look back and you hate my past
Just know I'm doing everything that I can
I'm doing everything that I can

And if you look back and can't stand my ass
I swear I'm doing everything that I can
I'm doing everything that I can

I told you that my whole life, could have sworn I would die young
My last words, twenty two years on my tongue
I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

You know that I spend long nights brain fried, talking too much
I'm a booze-bag, do-bad, burnout, dead drunk
I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck, I'm bad luck

There's no way out of an angry crowd without steppin' on some toes
They'll scream your name 'til the lights go out then they'll feed you to the wolves
It's hard to say who you'll be when they let those big red curtains close
You know this 'cause you told me so

I bet you forgot black heels in the summertime
Dad's bad cookin' though, you'd be polite
Honey, now you got a look that I don't recognize
You pulled me aside and you said

To know me is to hate me
Is to hate what I've become
It's to watch me as I'm fallin'
From that ladder's last rung
It's to feel it like a secret you can't keep in
I'm not the way I was
I'm not the way I was

Were you freed within, did you leave your skin? Are you tethered in your doubt?
Have you breathed it in 'til it's medicine that you cannot live without?
'Cause you came back home a f*ckin' alien and we're stuck here on the ground
Call your mom back, kid, before the high comes down

'Cause you forgot black heels in the summertime
Dirt road smoking on a Friday night
Honey, now you got a look that I don't recognize
You pulled me aside and you said

To know me is to hate me
Is to hate what I've become
It's to watch me as I'm fallin'
From that ladder's last rung
It's to feel it like a secret you can't keep in
I'm not the way I was
I'm not the way I was
But to feel it, to see it
The look in all their eyes
Is to breathe in, to be in
The good grace of that Godlight
It's to have it in your hands
The one thing you wanted all your life
It's all mine

It's a hole I can't fill
It's a curse I can't break
And I gave my soul to it
And I cannot be reclaimed
I was younger then
I was younger then
I was young

To know me is to hate me
Is to hate what I've become
It's to watch me as I'm fallin'
From that ladder's last rung
It's to feel it like a secret you can't keep in
I'm not the way I was
I'm not the way I was
But to feel it, to see it
To look in all their eyes
Is to breathe in, to be in
The good grace of that Godlight
It's to have it in your hands
The one thing you wanted all your life
It's all mine

And to feel it, to see it
The look in all your eyes
Is to breathe in, to be in
The good grace of this Godlight
It's to have it in your hands
The one thing I wanted all my life
It's all mine

Yes, I'm a mess now
Lost with my head down
I haven't heard from you in weeks
You must have left town

I can't go back now
And all that I have now
Are those feelings I felt
Knowing that no one else can bring them back out

And I've been trying to find a silver lining
But I can't
But I can't

Now that I can't hold you
I wish that I had tried to
Do more not to lose you
Now that I can't find you
Because the second you left, yeah, the voice in my head screamed
"What did I do?"
Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

Someone like you, someone like you
Someone like you, someone like you

It all makes sense now
But I can't repent now
Because I'm stuck like a grave in the space that you left
With no reason to get out

And I've been trying to find a silver lining
But I can't
No, I can't

Now that I can't hold you
I wish that I had tried to
Do more not to lose you
Now that I can't find you (now that I can't find you)
Because the second you left, yeah, the voice in my head screamed
"What did I do?" ("What did I do?")
Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

Someone like you, someone like you (oh)
Someone like you, someone like you

And I've been trying to find a silver lining
But I can't

Now that I can't hold you
I wish that I had tried to
Do more not to lose you
Now that I can't find you (now that I can't find you)
Because the second you left, yeah, the voice in my head screamed
"What did I do?" ("What did I do?")
Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

Someone like you, someone like you (oh)
Someone like you, someone like you
Someone like you, someone like you
Now you're gone and all I want is someone like you

It's not what you think
These tears aren't some sweet response to tragedy
Today I can't say why they fall
Honey, it's all chemical

Don't be deceived
And don't take my bitterness as empathy
Darling, it's a broken bridge
Can you still get over it?

If you're not afraid of the water
You should dive right in
I'm not so brave, but I'm gonna
Give it a try
But it'll take a little while

Can you fix my flaws?
Are you a bad excuse for therapy?
How am I supposed to live
One foot out and one foot in?

I fear the fall
Right now I just can't find the energy
Weighed down by a ton of bricks
I'm forgetting how to swim

If you're not afraid of the water
You should dive right in
I'm not so brave, but I'm gonna
Give it a try
But it'll take a little while

Now I'm not afraid of the water
I'll dive right in
And I can be brave, so I'm gonna
Give it a try

Now I'm not afraid of the water
I'll dive right in
And I can be brave, so I'm gonna
Give it a try

'Cause you'll be on the other side

I like to think I'm more than what my age is
With my f*cked up sense of patience
And my deep self-deprecations

I, I try to cope with all the changes
When I smile on rare occasions
Can you see how old my face is?

If I'm getting old, I'm getting old, I'm getting old
Why are there so many things that I don't know, that I don't know?

Wake up every day and put on my clothes
Hoping that 401k might fill up the hole in my soul
But I'm hollow, yeah, I'm hollow

I'm scared to check the date, I'm scared of the dark
You can't escape it, no matter how fast the car
When you're hollow and I'm hollow

I act like it's a choice that I'm still single
I'm smaller than the raindrops on the window
I'm colder than the backside of a pillow

And I've tried to hold my temper and obscure my rage
But these kids, they never act their age
And I've got one foot in the grave

If I'm getting old, I'm getting old, I'm getting old
Why are there so many things that I don't know, that I don't know?

Wake up every day and put on my clothes
Hoping that 401k might fill up the hole in my soul
But I'm hollow, yeah, I'm hollow

I'm scared to check the date, I'm scared of the dark
You can't escape it, no matter how fast the car
When you're hollow and I'm hollow

I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow
I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow

Who do you wanna be in fifty years?
I'm saying, "I just want to be alive"
Well, where the f*ck do you think you are?
Oh, welcome to the other side

I wake up every day and put on my clothes
Hoping the 401k might fill up the hole in my soul
But I'm hollow, yeah, I'm hollow

I'm scared to check the date, I'm scared of the dark
You can't escape it, no matter how fast the car
When you're hollow and I'm hollow

I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow
I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow

I never found a heart I couldn't break
For you I hoped my parts would rearrange
You'd see a change
You'd see a change
Oh, I don't know

'Cause honey now this house feels like a grave
And now I cannot help but take the blame
For every stain
For messes I've made with your heart

They're already living six feet underneath, can't you see?

So our times come around
And our wounds run deep
There ain't no words to speak
Honey, bury me

Watch it fall, let it drown
In a deep blue sea
Baby, bury me
Honey, bury me

If I could find a way to change our fate
Would any of our demons be erased?
Oh, could I change?
Oh, could I change
Help, I don't know

'Cause honey there's no shame in letting go
I guess I'll see you at the funeral
I'll be alone
You'll be alone
Oh, aren't we all?

They're already living six feet underneath, can't you see?

So our times come around
And our wounds run deep
There ain't no words to speak
Honey, bury me

Watch it fall, let it drown
In a deep blue sea
Baby, bury me (bury me)
Honey, bury me

Faking sleep but my eyes haven't closed
I know you're dreaming of letting me go
Can you feel the dirt down below?

So our times come around
And our wounds run deep
There ain't no words to speak
Honey, bury me

So, watch it fall let it drown
In a deep blue sea
Baby, bury me (bury me)
Honey, bury me

Bury me (bury me)
Bury me
Bury me
Bury me

Bury me
Bury me
Bury me
Bury me

Where to begin? Oh, let's pretend we never met
So I can disappear a moment
I've been tryna swim with both my hands behind my back
My dear, I always feared the ocean
And somehow this one word in my mouth was left unspoken
And I won't admit my parents split when I got sick
But I refuse to be a burden

And I said
Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?
Did you find the key and what is the meaning of it?
'Cause honey, sometimes I feel this emptiness
Howling out

Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?
Did I lose my mind and am I still looking for it?
'Cause I don't know why I feel this emptiness
Howling out
Howling out

You're not alone, the world is small
And I am sick of all the talk of finding purpose
Love comes and goes but the big black dog, he trails alone
Am I the only one who knows him?
Now, and somehow I gained fifteen pounds but lost my focus
And I suffocate things slow until I'm just a black fly circling my bullshit

Oh
Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?
Did you find the key and what is the meaning of it?
'Cause honey, sometimes I feel this emptiness
Howling out

Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?
Did I lose my mind and am I still looking for it?
I don't know why I feel this emptiness
Howling out
Howling out

Deep blue, deep blue, 05072
Deep blue, deep blue, 05072

Where to begin? Oh, let's pretend we never met
So I can disappear a moment
I've been tryna swim with both my hands behind my back
My dear, I always feared the ocean

And I said
Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?
Did you find the key, then what is the meaning of this?
'Cause honey, sometimes I feel this emptiness
Howling out

Tell me one thing keeping me here for the minute, honey
But if I leave you now then what's out there waiting for me?
I don't know why I feel this emptiness
Howling out
Howling