There was a little man, His name was Simon Slick. He had a mule with dreamy eyes and how that mule could kick. He'd wink his eye and wag his tail and greet you with a smile, and gently lift his left hind leg and kick you half a mile.
CHORUS
Oh that muile was a kicker, a hungry bill sticker. He'd eat like a micker, and pick you up quicker, and set you down slicker than all of Fritz' liquor. A kicker no quicker could ever be found.
He kicked a gate from of the fence and massacurd a hog. He mortified ten Chinamen and swallerd a yeller dog. He kicked a train from off the track and turned the engine loose.The engineer came out when he kicked over the caboose
CHORUS
He stopped a steam boat on its way and kicked it out of sight. He kicked a boarding house in two at twelve o'clock at night. The boarders in their night shirts came out and held their breath, as he kicked his left leg down his throat and chocked himself to death (alternate: He kicked his false teeth down his throat)
Thanks to saintseiya23 for adding these lyrics