Pete Smith - The Unemployed Donor Lyrics

Oh, listen to me while I tell you my ditty
Concerning a young man in grave want and need
Whilst attending a course in his home northern city
He heard of a new way himself for to feed
He'd been out of work for many a long year
Brought down by the system reduced by the state
Like millions of others, his unemployed brothers
He resolved once in college to tell his sad fate

Like those First World War tommy's who went off to Flanders
Leaving their families and shedding their blood
Once again in a country that's not fit for heroes
I'm away into Sheffield to sell my manhood
Oh Christ! said the teacher he's joining the army
You'll be sent out to Belfast for term after term
Oh no said the young man you misunderstand me
I'm away into Sheffield, I'm selling my sperm

The class stopped from their studies like one in amazement
Dropping their Mirrors, their Sports and their Suns
As the young man explained how the clinic made payment
Such a handy new income it caused them great fun
Does a nurse do it for you? one cried in excitement
If you do it twice weekly do they double the fee
As the whole conversation sank down to the gutter
Those with their Suns quickly turned to page three

Now this young man left college in high expectation
Carrying the hopes of his class and his peers
As he entered the clinic and saw the receptionist
Such a pretty young women made him red round the ears
I've come here today to make a donation
That's kind said the lady how much will you leave
Whatever is normal in these circumstances
The young lady smiled and said, it'll be greatly received

Now some folks give plenty, whilst others leave little
By the look on her face he could see she was bored
It usually depends on your financial circumstances
Just tell me young man how much can you afford
Oh no said the young man you misunderstand me
I've come here today to donate my sperm
The young lady smiled, and showed him the exit
Over there's Family Planning this here's Age Concern

Now this story related it caused great amusement
As the class tried to make him look like a fool
All taunting and jeering like kids in a nursery
Till the ringleader leaned back and fell off his stool
Just think said the teacher of the money it'll earn you
It'll pay for you rent whilst doing some good
Oh no said the young man my sperm count was negative
I've no money, no rent and now no manhood

Now the moral of this story is quite explanatious
You unemployed young men who in Sheffield do lurk
Go into your college and improve your learning
For it keeps me in songs and it keeps me in work