Philippa Kinsky - after all this time Lyrics

It is funny how pleasure isn't bound to
Inner fulfillment, like I always think it would
Everyday I find myself
Doing things I hate myself for, later on

Sometimes I´m not sure, if I should be able to
Do whatever I want to do
Honestly, my will is just the opposite
To what would be good for the mental health
Sometimes i am sure, pleasure isn´t good

Last night, I thought I was free, so I took it all in and now I'm
Not quite the person that it promised to be, it was just lies
Now I can't do without the pleasure, I can't do without the wine
I wonder if this is freedom, cause I'm not free to decide
To let go of after all this time

Can somebody
Flush the toilet in my brain
Take away all this shame
Take it all away, take it all away
Cause I can't

Cause how can I ever pull myself out of
Quicksand ?
No nobody can.
Deal with shame and repentance
Oh I wonder how everyone bears it

Last night, I thought I was free, so I took it all in and now I'm
Not quite the person that it promised to be, it was just lies
Now I can't do without the pleasure, I can't do without the wine
I wonder if this is freedom, cause I'm not free to decide
To let go of after all this time"