I betcha French Stewart would be a good neighbor
If he ever moved into the house next door
He'd lend you his tools or a whole bag of sugar
And bring you treats back from his trip to the store
Keep his TV and music at reasonable volumes
Clean driveway and sidewalks and manicured lawn
He'd keep his nose out of your private business
And look after your pets whenever you're gone
He'd bring covered dishes to community potlucks
From his grandmother's recipes, masterfully prepared
Handed down from each generation
Stewart family secrets he's willing to share
At Christmas time, of course, he'd play Santa
Because, after all, he's an actor by trade
From 3rd Rock From the Sun to Home Alone 3
He's been a sensation in each part he's played
He's such a good actor he steals every show
Why, he could be evil and we'd never know
A twinkle in his eye and winning smile could hide
That his heart's shriveled up and rotten inside
He could have dark secret motives, I guess
But I still think he'd be a good neighbor nonetheless