I hit a nerve with one of my songs
It has to do with incarceration in the United States
And the inherent racism in our judicial system
And much of our population
I got lucky
There's a lot of people streaming it
Who usually perform hip-hop, old school and new styles of rap
Anytime an old guy like me does something that's accepted by younger
And ultimately cooler people
There's always a dangerous pride that wells up
Setting us up for a fall
I'm all for remaining uncool and unaccepted
So I thought I'd say my piece here
And let the song stand for what it is
Not trying to sway my artistry toward any one political bent
Because I'm just a musician, not a political person
I did that for a while and I'm out
So I came from a really racist place
I didn't even know it until I was well into being a teenager
I didn't get my needs met by the white community
Didn't have the support I needed to thrive
So in kind of a cognitive dissonance
I told myself I just didn't fit in
And that place wasn't for me anyway
As I aged, my peers started to show me
Peeks behind the veil of sexism and racism
How the legal system and the Zoning Commission
Kept people just where the leaders wanted them to be
This was not only racial, but applied to certain families as well
There's a real caste system in the South
Much like overseas, we just internalized the judgments
And externalized the mode of controlling the untouchables
Well, as my needs continually were not met
Women eluded me, and having been abused sexually
I was not oriented toward men
I continued on my rejection of the region I'd grown up in
I was not solely into African-American studies
I saw the biggest black leaders of the day
I got to meet Rosa Parks
I heard her speak at the University of Las Vegas in the late 80s
I was more oriented toward the peace movement, though
Homelessness and anti-nuclear civil resistance and actions and such
One of my old cohorts, Vermin Supreme, is still doing his thing
Noam Chomsky stopped writing me, but we were pen pals for years
I think he was put off by my owning guns
But it's a difficult area that my family lives in
We got death threats and vandalism
And I'd target practice and clean my guns outside the front door
You know, posturing
It's just what poor people have to do
I don't think Noam can understand that
He's too f*cking intelligent
I've met a lot of really smart guys, but he has been above them all
Maybe he's right. I shouldn't own guns
I'm not that smart, though
I'll kill a motherf*cker coming after us
I think you would, too, if you saw my situation
So I'm doing this song, this poem or statement or whatever to clear the air
The truth is I got so many millions, tens of millions of streams
That I'm starting to get contacted by people
It's just a matter of time before people turn on me
Expecting me to be like them
And then try to destroy this fake image I'm not even trying to portray
So this is kind of like a reality check for the rap artists who have accepted me
Lately more than any other block of fans that I've got
Other than the middle-aged European ladies who love the pop stuff
The soccer fans, go Arsenal
I'll talk about rap to level this floor
Because the rap artists are really getting it
At least that one song
I did the Dax song because I thought it was crazy and cool
I can't rap, and that was the first time I tried, ever
Besides reading an Eminem song once to my seven-year-old
She was really impressed at seven years old
I think that's the only time she was ever impressed with anything I've ever done
Anyway, I did pay licensing for the Dax song
I didn't just steal it, and I'm not pretending that I did a good job
It was fun, though
Well, I used rap for a while to feed my body, my soul, whatever
I don't have the relationship with it that other people do
There's no deep affinity with rap music with me
It was just a selfish thing on my part
I was there at the mainstream appearance of rap
I remember Curtis Blow, Jazzy Jeff, and Will Smith, NWA, 2 Live Crew, Run DMC
Back then, those bands were really cool
You wouldn't be able to understand that now
But this time is different from then
They were really cool
Right about the time my daughter was being diagnosed with permanent disabilities
Global disabilities, I used the more violent gangster rap to help my mood
I was making banjos in this little shop far away from my home
And my buddy Zach and I blasted it ten hours a day, every day, for a year
We only lowered the volume when the boss came or the phone rang
I never listened to Tupac
Because I saw one of his early battles
I don't know the other guy he was battling, but Snoop Dogg was there
Both of them weren't famous yet
And what they did on stage was just unacceptable to me
I grew up around the f*cking Klan
But the venomous hatred and sexism was more offensive than cannibal corpse to me
I turned my back on both of them
I couldn't forgive back then
My own abuse was not allowing me to forgive people
I found out later that they both changed
And I regret my hatred toward those talented men, Tupac and Snoop Dogg
They both made positive marks on the world
My all-time favorite was Ice Cube
I know he sold out
Those first two albums, the third album too
They were as important to me than any albums ever have been
They were full of sexism too, and racial hatred too
Farrakhan was kind of tickling him throughout all of that
I worked myself with some of the Nation of Islam people for a while
They were decent men, upstanding men, at least to your face
I couldn't hang with them, though, from differences between our ideas of favoritism
Ice Cube was the best rapper that ever lived
I took African American studies at the university
And I hung with the rap aficionados who were kind of full of themselves
But they had every rap album and cassette ever made
I heard at least a hundred artists in the mid-90s
They had extensive collections and knowledge bordering on obsession
Bordering on insanity
They lived the music, and they didn't even make the music
Never seen anything like it
Anyway, no one could hold a candle to Ice Cube, in my opinion
Nas, Ice-T, Paris, Chris Parker, Public Enemy, and The Chronic were my go-tos
We didn't feel like white people should rap back then
Maybe we were a bit racist toward whites, but it just wasn't done
That was something the pop musicians mimicked
It wasn't for real fans
Eminem was just funny back then
He wasn't thought of as a real musician
Like Weird Al Yankovic, he was like a novelty
So for a period of time, I used angry gangster rap
To keep me from killing myself, and a few others
When you listen to it non-stop, ten hours a day, though, for a year
It changes you
It's kind of like eating Thai, Mexican, and Indian food only
And then you can't stomach eating anything that doesn't change you
You can't stomach eating anything that doesn't have a kick
All the food is bland if it doesn't have spice
I realized the point of the music wasn't my point
I had stuff that needed to be said, but I was a poor white
Having very little in common with black women and men of the time
My identity had vested in the music, and I could not put it away
I had to destroy all the CDs just to stop listening to it
I have a serious drug problem, too, and it's a similar thing
So that's my big thing
Thirteen years of growing a collection that I burned to break from it
I figured I'd put that out there in the world
I'm not claiming to be smart or fresh or cool
I'm a f*cking mess
I'm a f*cking mess
I'm just a fat old man
The thing is, though, I really do care
I care about the justice system being seriously flawed
I read The New Jim Crow when it came out
I read Angela Davis before most of you guys were even born
I'm not a powerful man
I'm not smart like Ms. Davis or Chomsky
And I'm not important
I really do care, though
History shows we won't ever love each other fully
We all need our other people, people who are other than ourselves
Someone to give us an identity from their being too different
It's human nature
That doesn't mean I have to hate my race or any other in order to have an identity
The liberals play that game still
They act out a guilt, which is really a form of hatred if you deconstruct it
They create in their minds that they're better off than someone else
So they make all these groups to help the disadvantaged
They do all the defining
There's better ways to bring everyone up together
F*ck it, f*ck this
It's going nowhere
I appreciate people who stream my song, Black Inmate
It's brought some money to me, that's appreciated
I care for you as best I can
I like being liked
But there's more going on with me than just that one song
So should you choose to contact me thinking I'm just one way
I'm not going to play that game, sorry
I don't need you as a stepping stone to make me richer or better
Thank you anyway
Especially thank you to the women
I value you
I care for you
But I'm still taken with a family
And in case you're trying to fix me, as I said, I don't do dope anymore
I don't do needles. I don't do meth. I don't even want pot
So I appreciate you
I appreciate it, I really do
But no thanks
And like the nerdy Forrest Gump, to end this all I'll say
And that's all I'm going to say about that