The Story So Far - I Want To Disappear Album Lyrics

All this time you've just been counting down
Making plans for when you're not around
And taking shells out of this loaded gun
Screaming out until my voice is numb

So just say you want out
And we can stop all this pain now
How many seasons you're not around?
I spread your ashes onto the ground

All this time you've just been counting down
Making plans for when your light goes out
When you said it's like knives inside your mouth
And you can't enjoy anything like this now
Life running out inside your house
And your mood lacks all direction

So just say you want out
And we can stop all this pain now
How many seasons you're not around?
I spread your ashes onto the ground

Because you said you wanted out
But there's still so much pain now
How many reasons for bowing out?
How can I cope with all this doubt?

Nothing standing in my way
I think of you every day
And if there is a better way
I trust that you'll show it to me
Nothing standing in my way
I think of you every day
And if there is a better way
I pray that you'll show it to me
Nothing standing in my way
I think of you every day
And if there is a better way
I trust that you'll show it to me

Time stamps inside the clock of my mind
If I turn back now, then I lose everything I find
There's no better feeling than knowing you were right
I've bought all these things
But I still can't buy back that night

I get it if you hate me
I'm barely here lately
Distant and lazy
Lacking motivation 'cause

It's never enough to have you here
I'd rather just watch you go
And all of the things that you still fear
Are from people you used to know

I'm still concealing the way that I'm feeling
And my way of healing may never be enough
Panic at a false alarm
Can't accept the way things are

I get it if you hate me
I'm barely here lately
Distant and lazy
Lacking motivation in a basic conversation
Will you chase me if I run?
And you want more, but I have none
I am so impatient 'cause

It's never enough to have you here
I'd rather just watch you go
And all of the things that you still fear
Are from people you used to know

Look behind me then you'll understand
I'm not hiding any other man
To be honest I don't understand
How you spin me like a ceiling fan
(Just like a ceiling fan)

There's no point in making nice
I know the price
'Cause I know all about the down and out, I get it
'Cause even if I close my eyes and fantasize
It's never gonna help me admit that you're gone and to just accept it

Wear your pride just like a letterman (Just like a letterman)
Wrap me tight, I'm your rubber band, man (I'm your rubber band, man)
I won't try you even though I can (Even though I can)
Slide on by without a second glance (Second glance)

There's no point in making nice
I know the price
'Cause I know all about the down and out, I get it
'Cause even if I close my eyes and fantasize
It's never gonna help me admit that you're gone and to just accept it

So don't think that I'm excited at all
And you know that I've been dying to call
But I can't get involved
I don't wanna be here at all (Don't wanna be here at all)
Do you notice at all?

Wear your pride just like a letterman (Just like a letterman)
Wrap me tight, I'm your rubber band, man (I'm your rubber band, man)
I won't try you even though I can (Even though I can)
Slide on by without a second glance (Second glance)

There's no point in making nice
I know the price
'Cause I know all about the down and out, I get it
'Cause even if I close my eyes and fantasize
It's never gonna help me admit that you're gone and to just accept it
(I know that you're gone and I can't forget it)
Admit that you're gone and just accept it

I know I'm distant
But that don't mean I'm not around
I know I'm hating
But I don't like anyone else

Make me an offer
Trade you for all that I've found
I can't come off her
I just keep breaking it down

I don't want to say I want you
Just could as easily forget (just could as easily forget)
Make the point to come back home to
That peace of mind that I

I know I'm jaded
But I cannot stand how you sound
There's no more room
Man, your time is over and out

You don't know patience
You jump the gun at the sound
And I lay in wait, man
And I think that my time is now

I don't want to say I want you
Just could as easily forget (just could as easily forget)
Make the point to come back home to
That peace of mind that I neglect

So if you're done, then get out
Leave me on my own, I'll figure it out

So if you're done, then get out
Leave me on my own, I'll figure it out (just could as easily forget)

So if you're done, then get out (i don't want to say I want you)
Leave me on my own, I'll figure it out (just could as easily forget)

So if you're done, then get out (i don't want to say I want you)
Leave me on my own, I'll figure it out (just could as easily forget)

I'm used to being here by myself, I'm working this out
Used to see her, now she's out there shaking us out

And if you wanna play cards, you better be careful
(Small blind, big blind)
I will stack the deck 'cause I know the dealer
(Are we on the same side?)
You put up the hearts and I'll put up both my aces
Not very far apart, still on different pages
Still on different pages

Spill out everywhere, I can't keep from falling apart
Though I wanted you, my intent was flawed from the start

And if you wanna play cards, you better be careful
(You're my big blind)
I will stack the deck 'cause I know the dealer
(Are we on the same side?)
You put up the hearts and I'll put up both my aces
Not very far apart, still on different pages

Spill out everywhere, I can't keep from falling apart
Though I wanted you, my intent was flawed from the start
Spill out everywhere, I can't keep from falling apart
Spill out everywhere, I can't keep from falling

I don't feel the same now,
It's like I'm splitting in two
One road leads out there,
The other leads right back to you
I won't feel anything
As I pace inside of this tomb

WON'T YOU SAY SOMETHIN TO GET ME OUT OF
THAT DAY IN YOUR ROOM WHEN YOU GAVE ME A TASTE
And said no think I'll go think I'll try a new way
All I know is my lust it just drove you away
And I still wanna talk but there's nothin to say

I just wanna feel better,
Easier said than done
None of this matters,
Without him it's not any fun
My whole life shattered
When I got that call I was numb

If I could run to you,
I'd tell you I'm over that day in your room when you gave me a taste
And said no think I'll go
Think I'll try a new way
All I know is my lust it just drove you away
And I still wanna talk but there's nothin to say

I feel nothing at all for the time that's elapsed
I'm Jus biding my own till the world's full collapse
And the problems I can't solve
They'll fade with the past
Can I hold your attention and just make it last?

Soaking in the mirror staring back into the wall
And when I move the wrong way
Will you guide me if I fall
How can I believe you're there
If I don't feel you at all"

I'll get up and help with the yard work
I let the outside noises always pull me under
And if I take some time to cry and just recover
Then maybe I can be there for my mother
And all those times are crystal clear
And it feels so safe to disappear

How will I get through this?
Shield myself in the color of your likeness
How am I still new to this?
Cover myself in the shade where I spread your ashes

I mean it when I say always
I let the outside noises lead me the wrong way
There's no success without the test of leaving you behind
I will meet you there when I'm done with here, you're always by my side

How will I get through this?
Shield myself in the color of your likeness
How am I still new to this?
Cover myself in the shade where I spread your ashes

I mean it when I say always
See it clear through the salt in your eyes
There's no other choice that I see
I just gotta move on now
I just gotta move on now
I hear you calling me somehow
I hear you calling me somehow
Know that I'll keep you around
I just gotta move on now
But I don't even know how
I know gotta move on now
You know you gotta move on now

How will I get through this?
Shield myself in the color of your likeness
How am I still new to this?
Cover myself in the shade where I spread your ashes

It is racing around inside my head
All of the things I could have said
Holding your hand right beside that bed
How can this be so hard to accept?

For how long? Is this never ending?
Are you gone, or can I still feel something?
If it's wrong, it will amount to nothing
Yet somehow, you're still in my way

And it feel like I'm still so close to the edge
I just wanna trade you places and take me instead
And I know you heard everything that I said
I just hope I can face it like you in the end

For how long? Is this never ending?
Are you gone, or can I still feel something?
If it's wrong, it will amount to nothing
Yet somehow, you're still in my way

It is racing around inside my head
All of the things I could have said
I know, people never let go, they'll do anything to try to make the pain go down
It is racing around inside my head
I know, I might never let go, I'll do anything to try to keep your life around
All of the things I could have said

How can I afford the cost?
I need every single part of you
How can I navigate the loss?
Now I have this life because of you

And when I'd leave, I'd call you and you'd tell me
About all the things that I don't understand
And now the absent silence is deafening
You're not there to pull me back down from the ledge

How can I afford the cost?
I need every single part of you
How can I navigate the loss?
Now I have this life because of you

Separate from what I am
No one else could ever understand
I had the weapon in my hand
Could not escape it if I ran

Take me with you now
Beyond the veil on white shores
Now it's difficult to move
I can't help but think of where you are

And when I'd leave, I'd call you and you'd tell me
About all the things that I don't understand
And now the absent silence is deafening
You're not there to pull me back down from the ledge

And when I'd leave, I'd call you and you'd tell me
(Take me with you now)
About all the things that I don't understand
(Beyond the veil on white shores)
And now the absent silence is deafening
(Take me with you now)
You're not there to pull me back down from the ledge
(I can't help but think of where you are)

I have lost so much ground
Start from the bottom of the hill
And we left it open-ended
Sometimes I just wanna spill

And anywhere you are, it's never that far from here
And all the things you are, you'll feel them loud and clear

We're gonna grow apart, and that's just how it is
I know I still have your lust, I'm gonna soak it up
'Cause I'm not sure if I love you

I don't make that much sound
Aiming for the quiet kill
Please don't drag me under
I know you'd do it for the thrill

And anywhere you are, it's never that far from here
And all the things you are, you'll feel them loud and clear

We're gonna grow apart, and that's just how it is
I know I still have your lust, I'm gonna soak it up
'Cause I'm not sure if I love you
I know I still have your lust, I'm gonna soak it up
'Cause now I'm sure that I love you