Swish Reezy - Living In a Paradox Lyrics

I want you but I don't (I don't)
I wanna be alone (alone)
But when you're not with me (with me)
Then I start to feel weak
One day I'm up
The next I'm down
And I can't seem to turn it off
I'm living in a paradox
I spent my whole life just seeking some validation
But I was never one to trip so never fell for false vacations
But even so this fear of moving forward what I'm facing
Almost as big as my other plight of being complacent
These complicated contractions got me feeling so conflicted
Ain't running into a paradox, I'm a walking contradiction
Reminiscing on old times when decisions was easier
I wanna soar like shooting stars and not crash down like a meteor
My mind mediates bull shit in this age of social media
Instead of mindlessly scrolling, I gotta find a median
People taking the wrong step, get crucified on the net
It's like I can't move like a parapaligent
Acting civil, but it's drivel, I'm at war with myself
Only time will suffice how my actions be dealt
Me and gramps saw different hues the way our dreams differed
I thought he saw my vision but I guess intentions got blurred
They say blood's thicker then water, but most my blood's been diluted
They trash my mind flow till my thought process polluted
It kinda stings knowing your family ain't got your back
They fold when that money unclips if we keeping it a stack
It was hard growing up without the guidance that I needed
Cause I feel I'm the only one that ain't succeeding
But there ain't no favors dawg, I gotta put myself on
I gotta month long before I take the bus home
I don't know what I want, but I do know what I need
I need to find a way to succeed
But I'm stuck inside this box I can't seem to unlock
I can't keep living in this paradox
I know this music shit ain't shit
And all these randoms at the shows make me anxious
It's crazy what people go and do to get famous
But I'm tryna keep my integrity and still make it
Damn I wasn't thinking, damn was I just tripping
Damn the time is ticking, can't stay outta commission
Realised the whole time I was living inside a fantasy
That's why I ain't switch the cards the dealer done handed me
Cause if I did I'm a failure
And everything I did was for nothing, couldn't tailor
Man I wish I could go black and tell that kid it's make-believe, make him believe in himself
People who needed my help, feeling myself
Killing myself, from the inside out
Can't let my self-worth equal a dollar amount
Cause the way they selling souls, you'd think these labels had discounts
This shit to make a brother go break down or pout
But f*ck it I'ma keep going, cause in the end who really knows it
You won't know the next chapter in your story if you close it
This for my dawgs stuck between a rock and a hard place
That boulder on your shoulder, gon get sculpted into what you make
So I could care less if it's my sediment they eyin'
Cause in the end only pressure makes diamonds
I'm grabbing life by the horns, be as stubborn as an Ox
I know what I want f*ck living in this paradox
I don't know what I want, but I do know what I need
I need to find a way to succeed
But I'm stuck inside this box I can't seem to unlock
I can't keep living in this paradox
I don't know what I want, but I do know what I need
I need to find a way to succeed
But I'm stuck inside this box I can't seem to unlock
I can't keep living in this paradox
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la