Teen Suicide - unwanted houseguest Lyrics

I seem closer to it now than I did when I was a kid
Cool chill across uncovered legs
The way my father's fists swim through the air
Clean white sheets on the bed
When he talked like someone possessed by
Something only he could see, he'd say
It's not always what you believe but the way
You do or don't still believe in me

Lately, I've had you on my mind (if I could only know the things I knew in my dreams)
If I could only see it long enough to sketch it out (I can't get a full deep breath in lately)
Like some kind of roadmap

I've the mind of a housecat these days I feel
I can barely crawl my way through until six
Taking on new frustrations like tired unsellable homes
Paranoid and ghost dense
All the time endlessly dreaming
But with a face like that a voice so alive
You could make the trains all run on time
Or waive thousands in library fines

Lately I've had you on my mind (if I could only know the things I knew in my dreams)
If I could only see it long enough to sketch it out (I can't get a full deep breath in lately)
Like some kind of roadmap, like some kind of roadmap

This is not a house, it's just someplace where I'm living now
This is not a house, it's just someplace where I'm living now
This is not a house, it's just someplace, I'm barely living now