Thesanity - end of my rope Lyrics

I said I was doing fine and they all believed me
I became accustomed to hiding wounds
That had cut me deeply
Disguised with laughter, like a mystery book
They failed to read me
I could've got an Oscar
For how I guarded my pain discreetly
How they see me
Is a constant fear in my brain
Cause if they discovered I was broke
They wouldn't see me the same
I'd have to reclaim, all the qualities I premiered
Even though I'd realize they just got a glimpse
Of me in the mirror
And that ain't no pretty picture
Like a summer twister that's growing
And on the verge of level 5
With all this pent up emotion
Nowhere to turn to bleed
This drink of loneliness is so potent
There ain't no saving me
When I don't know who's soul I've been holding
I'm thinking
Who am I
Where did I go
Why am I here
No hope
And losing my soul
Why am I
Lonely on my own will, I'm losing it
Why am I blind to how bad the bruising is
Yeah, I wish that it was different I know
Cause I'm at the end of my rope
Yeah, if I die young will they remember me
Will I become an afterthought or cherished memories
Will they say I aligned with God or with the enemy
The verdict ain't been clear
Cause I became who I pretend to be
It isn't me, I'm like a puppet but I'm in control
I show 'em smiles when in reality nobody's home
I claim I love the independence but when I'm alone
This vortex of emotion opens doors that lead to empty roads
And now I know
That life can change in a moment
One second you're holding hope
The next your mind isn't open
It's like a swing state
You can't predict what is chosen
That's why I was perplexed
The ballot showed me as an opponent
But was it wrong, no
I've always been what's holding me back
And for what it's worth in recent years
That's been my greatest regret
That I never asked for help
Cause I thought I could handle the stress
But now I'm breathing without knowledge
Of who's heart's in my chest and I'm thinking
Who am I
Where did I go
Why am I here
No hope
And losing my soul
Why am I
Lonely on my own will I'm losing it
Why am I blind to how bad the bruising is
Yeah, I wish that it was different I know (Wish it was different cause)
Cause I'm at the end of my rope
Who am I
Where did I go (Yeah, where did I go)
Why am I here
No hope
And losing my soul (losing my soul)
Why am I
Lonely on my own will I'm losing it
Why am I blind to how bad the bruising is
Yeah, I wish that it was different I know (I know)
Cause I'm at the end of my rope