Unhinged Records - Boxing Day Turd Lyrics

On a morning after Christmas, feeling rather rough
A tale of woe begins, you simply can't rebuff
With a belly full of turkey and beer beyond measure
I faced a challenge dire, a feat of great displeasure

Well, I woke up on Boxing Day, feeling like a ton
Too much food, too much beer, now my guts are overrun
I stumbled to the bathroom, feeling mighty bold
But little did I know I'd soon be in a stranglehold

Oh, Boxing Day turd, you're a beast I can't ignore
I'm straining and I'm struggling, but you won't hit the floor
You're a bawdy, brash reminder of the night before
Oh, Boxing Day turd, won't you please let me soar

I'm gripping on to walls, trying not to cry
But this battle with my bowels feels like do or die
I curse the ham and the pie, the endless gravy train
For leaving me here in this agonizing pain

Oh, Boxing Day turd, you're a beast I can't ignore
I'm straining and I'm struggling, but you won't hit the floor
You're a bawdy, brash reminder of the night before
Oh, Boxing Day turd, won't you please let me soar

I've tried every trick, every tip with all my might
But I'm losing in my battle with this whopper of a shite
So here I sit on this porcelain throne
Praying for relief, feeling utterly alone

Oh, Boxing Day turd, you're a beast I can't ignore
I'm straining and I'm struggling, but you won't hit the floor
You're a bawdy, brash reminder of the night before
Oh, Boxing Day turd, won't you please let me soar

Why won't the poo come out?

It's gonna rip my bum hole
Ow, ow, ow

I think it's coming!
Yeah, here it comes!